Snake Oil Salesman

for tenor, violoncello, bass clarinet, and drum set
commissioned by the Sissy-Eared Mollycoddles

Snake Oil Salesman (2009) is a short work for male voice, bass clarinet, violoncello, and drum set.  The collage-like text is assembled by the composer from dozens of famous slogans taken from the advertising canon.

Text
Step right up, ladies and gents!
Have it your way ‘cause you can’t beat the real thing.
I’m not a doctor, but I play one on T.V.

I stand before you today to tell you ‘bout an amazing new product!

Double your pleasure, double your fun

When all know that when it rains, it pours.
But fear not, no more tears.
‘Cause today we’re gonna live life in our own lane.

Join us to be apart of an original crowd.

Once you pop you can’t stop

Generation Next is making it great,
strong enough for a man but it’s made for a
tiger in your tank.
A diamond is forever like a rock,
reach out and touch someone by saying it with flowers.
I betcha can’t eat just one unwrapped smile.

Snap, Crackle, Pop!

I know what you’re thinking, this all sounds too good to be true…well my friends, it isn’t! Everyone can benefit from this product.

Now for the terms and conditions:

Under no circumstances, including, but not limited to, negligence, shall the manufacture, its subsidiary and parent companies or affiliates be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, or consequential damages that result from the use of this product. You may not modify, copy, distribute, transmit, display, perform, reproduce, publish, license, create derivative works from, transfer, or sell any information related to the product. All offers are void where prohibited by law!